Conversation with God

PlatypusChopChop - A conversation with God

PlatypusChopChop: (picks up the phone) Operator? I'd like to speak with God, please.

Operator: Stand by, here He is...

God: Hello?

PCC: Hello God, I'd like to talk to you for a while.

G: Oh, PlatypusChopChop! Of course. I'm always available for you!

PCC: Thank you so much for taking my phone call.

G: Why do you call me anyway? Don't you know you can talk to me at anytime?

PCC: How do I do that?

G: Pray! It's the time-tested method of contacting me.

PCC: So, I should kneel down and pray?

G: Do you have knees?

PCC: Not really.

G: Never mind, then. What can I do for you?

PCC: Well, I was wondering...

G: Yes?

PCC: Why am I here? Why am I the way I am?

G: Well, I was bored with making dinosaurs all day long, so I decided to experiment a little bit.

PCC: I'm an experiment?!

G: More like a creative endeavor, really.

PCC: Is that right?

G: Yes. I was just randomly taking different parts of animals, and when it comes to you, it went like "Duck bill. Otter feet. Beaver tail. My work is done!"

PCC: I'm just an accident?! (sob)

G: Accident is such a harsh word. It has negative connotation. Let's call it "Serendipity."

PCC: ...

G: And what beautiful creature you are! Better than the beaver, at least.

PCC: You're just saying that to make me happy!

G: Oh, but it's true!

PCC: Does that mean I can tell the beaver you like me better than they?

G: Of course, not! That would be impolite!

PCC: So, what do I do?

G: Just keep it to yourself, and be happy that you are better than the beaver.

PCC: Am I better than the penguin?

G: Yes.

PCC: Better than echidna?

G: Yes.

PCC: Better than butterfly?

G: Let's not take it that far. Let's just say better than caterpillar. How's that?

PCC: I really wish I'm better than a butterfly.

G: But that would be lying. You don't expect me to lie, do you?

PCC: No, I guess not.

G: So, how do you feel now?

PCC: Better, I guess. For an accident.

G: Serendipity.

PCC: Yes. Se se ren pi di ty.

G: Se ren di pi ty. Di pi ty

PCC: Se ren di pi ty. Got it.

G: Good.

PCC: What does it mean?

G: It means "happy accident."

PCC: ...

G: Now what's wrong?

PCC: I'm an accident. I knew it!

G: Ah, but a happy one! You know, just like when luck goes to your way. Let's put it this way, if you buy a lottery tickets, do you expect to win?

PCC: No. I'd expect to lose money.

G: Can you say that if you did win, would that be a happy occasion?

PCC: Yes.

G: But not planned or built or anything like that?

PCC: No.

G: In other words, an accident?

PCC: I guess so.

G: That is serendipity.

PCC: I see.

G: Still feel bad?

PCC: No. I'm better now.

G: Glad to help. Anything else?

PCC: Well, I was wondering...

G: Yes?

PCC: Why is there no blimp creature? If you were experimenting, I mean.

G: Oh, but I did!

PCC: Really? I don't see any.

G: The hummingbirds got them all.

PCC: Oh.

G: Yes. The hummingbird kept mistaking those bugs with floating berries.

PCC: That's bad. For the bugs, I mean.

G: Well, they're bugs, so it's all right.

PCC: So, you don't tell the hummingbird to stop eating them?

G: There's no need. I changed the design.

PCC: So, no more blimps?

G: Not exactly. You know spiders?

PCC: Yes. Eight legged bugs.

G: Exactly. Well, some spider would knit a parachute and float.

PCC: So, no blimp, but parachute.

G: Exactly. So that's about it for floating bug.

PCC: How about bigger animals?

G: Yes. I made a puffer fish.

PCC: Puffer fish?

G: When they feel threatened, they PUFF their bodies.

PCC: Would some creature just swallow them whole? We have some big fish in the ocean.

G: They also have spikes. Unless the fish is very big, the puffer fish will get stuck in their throat. Very unpleasant.

PCC: I see.

G: Yes. The puffer fish is all right.

PCC: Thank you for taking the time explaining things.

G: My pleasure. Anything else I can help you with?

PCC: How about helping me with Nanowrimo? I'm a bit behind.

G: Oh, I think you'll be fine.

PCC: Do you think so?

G: Sure. Here's the trick: Write fast and write often.

PCC: Write fast ... and write often?

G: Yes. If you write fast, it will not take so much time, so it's easy to set aside some time to do it.

PCC: Oh, I see. Yes, that makes sense.

G: The write often part is to set you up so that you will habitually do it. Like eating, or sleeping.

PCC: I do need to eat and sleep. But do I need to do it 3 times a day?

G: It would be best if you do, but not really necessary. If you do it after waking up or before sleeping, that is enough.

PCC: But I can only do it for 15 minutes before I get sleepy!

G: That is enough. How many words can you do in 15 minutes?

PCC: If I type fast, about 500 words.

G: So, that means 1000 words per day for half hour typing?

PCC: Yes.

G: So, it will only take you 3.5-4 hours to catch up on weekend?

PCC: Yes.

G: Is that a problem?

PCC: No.

G: See? I told you that you'll be fine.

PCC: Yes, you're right. Oh, thank you very much for your help.

G: Anytime, platypus. I'm happy to help you.

PCC: Thank you for taking my phone call. Good bye.

G: Good bye, PlatypusChopChop. God, ahem, I bless you.

PCC: Thank you so much!

1005 words.